Coming from a melting pot culture, where the term foreigner has a very high thresh hold and people of all different colors, languages, and cultures can be found all over the place, passing someone that looks a little different than you do is hardly a moment to stop and capture on film. But not all cultures are that way. Bringing our red headed, blue eyed, friendly toddler to China has brought nothing less than the attention we expected and then some.
All the attention can be overwhelming for anyone, especially for little people. When we go into crowded places, a group can quickly form around us. People constantly ask for pictures, to hold Bella, and even for Bella to touch their babies (not completely sure if this is for luck or social status improvement or something else completely).
How do we handle the paparazzi? Before we arrived, I started to think through how I wanted to react to all the attention. I really wanted to respond in a way that showed a balance of love to the Chinese culture and limits to protect my sweet girl. Bella is young enough, that I hoped I could model the "right" way to handle this social pressure and mold her attitude in a similar way. I didn't want the attention to make her feel uncomfortable. At the same time, I really didn't want her growing up with an unbecoming diva attitude.
I began reading on the subject, consulting with experts, and asking other foreigner moms who live in China for advice. I found that responses to the attention varied greatly. I didn't feel like I had a good grasp on the "right" way. Isn't that the hard part about being a parent? There is no exact mathematical equation for the "right" answer.
It was really interesting over the past couple months, to watch the situation unfold just as we expected and still not being sure of the "right" answer. As I have watched Bella, her own sense of limits and boundaries have become very clear to us. She is happy to smile and wave, even blow some kisses, to her adoring fans. But she has made it perfectly clear that she wants to do this from the comfort and security of her Mommy and Daddy's arms. She does not want to be picked up by strangers. As strangers become friends, her line also transitions to a more trusting position. She also lets us know when enough is enough. After all, a one year old doesn't go to the playground to pose for pictures, she wants to run. Or when a crowd become very large, we all feel increasingly ready to go.
I have been amazed that little one year old Bella was created with this wonderful internal sense of limits and boundaries, set specifically to her. All the research in the world, couldn't come up with a better response than the one she was was created with. I have been so proud of her for listening to those instincts, communicating them to us, and handling all the attention so well!
How do we handle the paparazzi? We respect the limits that Bella has set for herself. We never push her into a situation that makes her feel uncomfortable or unsafe. We greet the attention with an understanding smile and tolerance. Our family knows that when Bella starts to wave goodbye, that means she is ready to move on. We say, "Bella, say goodbye to our friends" and walk away.
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